


King Thorin has a soft spot for pointed ears

by ScotCoyjedii



Series: Hobbit Ears and dwarven beards [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Erebor Never Fell, BAMF Hobbits, Critically endangered Hobbits, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Female Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Hobbits Love to Party, King Thorin, Partying, Sexual Content, Smaug slayed by hobbits, Swearing, Thorin Is Not Amused, Thorin Is an Idiot, Thorin-centric, a lovely idiot, and innuendo, like so hard, maybe? - Freeform, yay!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 18:24:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6819121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScotCoyjedii/pseuds/ScotCoyjedii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hobbits are a endangered species they hold a party every year after the Fell winter of marital age adult hobbits to try and encourage their people to have children. Inviting people outside their race to attend. This year Dis got an invitation from a desperate Thane who worries for his niece the then  current Jarl.<br/>Rated M to not get yelled at.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Endangered Species? Let do a matchup festival.

**Author's Note:**

> Totally inspired by my longtime laptop background "The Shire Dance" By Mad_Hattie (i might have misspelled that)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin tells Dis the truth: All minus a few of his former dwarrowdam girlfriends were boring in bed. During and after the sexy fun times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to enjoy this to its fullest! This chapter was originally going to be short and undetailed about the king's life in Erebor then I had a change of heart.  
> Yup.

King Thorin hated when he was forced to follow along with his little sisters schemes. _Especially_ her schemes despite her being his youngest sibling he was often dragged into them often times for better or worse. His father's disappearance nearly a year after Azanulbizar had hit his grandfather hard he never really got over it though Tokora assured him he was alright. She later explained that he had been severely poisoned by one of his men Caldo by a poison not usually available to those of his lesser house standing. She went on to say that she knew the poison could easily be cured by hobbits one of the others who chickened out had stopped him telling him what Caldo had done. The seeds themselves were hard to come by and turned a black color when exposed to air outside the fruit it's easily masked by spices however elves nor dwarves can cure it.

Tokora revealed that she took Prince Thrain II to the Shire to get immediate treatment for this something she knew that hobbits could reverse to great effect. They developed a cure for it when they started to study the fruit and its toxic properties in the second age. Despite their size they can surprise you being equal parts brain and morality than brawn which nowadays they don't really have which might be amix of good and bad. Her family had always had a good relationship with the hobbit's. Prince Thrain is currently alive as the Sheriff in Tookland with a new wife who is one quarter hobbit (Thorin's mother was happy for him) their relationship was loving but she wasn't the Prince's One. They did love each other but it wasn't as strong as the love between King Thror and Queen Fjalar who were One's, love like that was as valued as mithril itself. Let's just leave it at that now he has a whole bunch of half siblings seven last he checked though it might be more considering he hasn't really asked in the letters he sent to his father.

The now King Thorin admitted that he didn't really care much for it he would have at least liked to have seen his father as king, but his father never really had much ambition in his whole life something that even Thror noticed. Which is why his father was passed over instead of taken from the line of succession. He would have to had a legitimate reason for that and be present for it and it would have taken us partially out of the line of succession. Causing future wars amongst our own kind over who would rule as Dain II, Dwalin, Balin,Gloin, Oin, Gimli, Nori, Ori and Dori would probably be next after us. The Ri brothers being farthest from the line of succession due to their mother being a distant relative of Durin. Dwalin, Balin, Gloin, Oin and Gimli were all related to Durin the Deathless's twin son Ulfr the younger of the two twins and apparently the more annoying of the twins being known to be hyperactive. From what the old text's say Ulfr was only calm when he was involved in his craft and patient when in battle being well known for being ruthless to the point of taking no prisoners. That caused great disgust during the first age (they called him a monster for doing that) which is why his brother Volundr would be prefered over him often due to his popularity and his self control both of them would have kids neither of which would be related to the royal family today. Nori, Ori, Dori and their mother Oná is related to Durin through Volundr which is where Dori get's his mother henning and Nori gets his knack for kleptomania and eventually garnering enough attention to be taken as the former spymaster Odin's apprentice.

King Thorin is related to Durin through Jade Lotusbloom his daughter to his first wife a certain Rose Lotusbloom where she came from isn't really written down she wasn't a elf, a maiden of mannish origins, or a dwarf. The depictions of her however survive while her origins remain a mystery she lived as long as Durin did dying just before he did. Durin loved her so much he was left heartbroken for the rest of his days he wasn't right after that the days after he disappeared once or twice during this time always returning home but never told anyone where except his sons and daughters. He followed fifty years after she died he died in his sleep a rarity for dwarves at all even today but none the less he earned his peace as it was hard won during those days you were more than likely to be killed by a elf than to die of old age.

He remembered the old stories of Jade she had her father's looks and her mother's sharp tongue they said she had two inner names one she was given by Yavanna unknown until she met her other half, the other name was given by her mother from a naming ceremony in Khuzdul. Jade herself was cunning and swift wielding a amangulation of an axe and a hammer as a weapon. The dwarves revere her as being kind and patient to all though she was vicious to those who committed terrible acts that would disgust even our own kind today elves and dwarves alike committed such acts. It was a required read by my family she was the one who dealt with those who committed 'ethnic cleansing' and 'genocide' personally as high courts were being held to punish these offenders even hobbit's leaders were required to attend despite that many of the people didn't even know what a "hobbit" was. These people were dealt with swiftly those that were the ring leaders were punished with either life imprisonment or death. Jade herself was not only beautiful but highly intelligent from the court records she held herself with the utmost standings strictly professional more so than most of the people then were.

They never really could find out where her mother had come from though she did mention what it looked like but nothing more than that. Eventually the traits they inherited from her faded away never really appearing again in our line, my nephews the Prince's Fili and Kili found this boring though at least Kili was making an effort to pay attention while Fili wasn't. Trying to teach these two anything was a pain in the ass though Kili seemed to like higher mathematics while Fili struggled in algebra I, Kili was impressive enough to get beyond calculus which wasn't even required for a fletcher! He said he was doing it for fun which was beyond understanding even for myself I never really went beyond what was required as a blacksmith which is saying something I struggled in westron most of my high school career, something that surprised my family when they found out.

"Uncle how do you stand it?" Fili asked me after the lesson.

"Stand what?" I asked him confused for a moment about what he meant.

"Not being as smart as your siblings. Even my younger sisters Valdis and Sigfridr are smarter than me and they're not even out of High School." Fili said he looked downtrodden and particularly miserable unusual for the usually cheery dwarf despite being just eighty.

"Does this have something to do with them being put in AP classes?" I asked recalling the two sisters mentioning it.

"Yes, it does." Fili said crestfallen.

"Look Fili you'll get it just don't despair over it, believe it or not I struggled for years in Westron. Shocked my parent's silly it did." I chuckled at the memory my eyes half closed at the memory.

 

 

 

"Really Uncle?" Fili asked his brows rose up surprised.

 

 

 

"Fili I'm not exactly perfect stop acting like I am I've made the same mistakes a dozen times over that you have. I just had to work hard at it. Keep trying." I told Fili who went off to try his best. Something he ended up doing with help of course. That was several months ago now I can't really seem to stand being the same room with my own family anymore I have no idea why either.

 

 

He found himself growing more and more short tempered and impatient for some reason that he couldn't fully understand _at least not out loud_. He was told to go bang someone by his pissed off sister Princess Dis whom he managed to anger one too many times that day. He just didn't want to be in on anything related to one of her scheme's believe me there were at least two dozen dwarves trying to make themselves his queen or consort. His sister was in on it after having several dozen of them shown to him by their families.

 

 

"So?" Dis asked him expectantly she had encouraged it something that made him want to scream at her, he managed to keep his cool even feign interest on occasion getting a few of their hopes up before I was forced to turn them down. I get a vague pleasure with dam's for that only Kenna (my former ex-girlfriend who had my son Svadilfari) but in the end she was a bit of a control freak and two other dam's managed to catch my interest but that was back when I was still in my early twenties. I'm over a hundred now with as many scars as ex-girlfriends actually I might have more ex-girlfriends I really didn't find any of them minus a few worth my time. Svadilfari ended up being forced into piracy by the pirate Redbeard and he paid off all his idiot stepfather's debts too in the process just when they were going to lose everything I believe by then his stepfather wasn't allowed anywhere near the family's finances. Svadilfari ended up having his hair cut and his beads taken by his own mother it left him scarred he never returned to the Iron Hills he was only in his twenties when that happened Thror took him in half raised him too. Last I checked he's fighting Dourhands in the blue mountain's named some halls after me and Thrain's aerie after my da, there's even a cross road named after my little brother Frerin.

I just didn't find any of the nicknames worth it the arguments weren't strong enough and the women caved in easy because of my status I wanted someone who liked me for me not for my title or power they can get through the relationship. None of them of late were zesty enough they weren't at all interesting in bed and none of them were fiery, I think it has something to do with the elf-blood on my mother's side my grandmother Eiran was a dwelf after all. A rarity for either race but not unheard of as a love so great can even traverse our natural distrust of elves creating a bond that can cause either problems or mend relationships though not all of them ended well a few actually may have ended terribly. My grandmother's parents were very likable people and by all means that's the very reason they had eight kids that's the limit for elves though not exactly a rule if your having kids with another species I never really asked. It's none of my business it a personal choice and not exactly something you would ask without getting a weird look or offending someone (I really never cared if I did offend a elf usually only refraining out of respect to my grandmother).

Then again she had the rarest shade of red hair obviously she was silvan even if she walked more like a dwarf with the curves of a she-elf she was said to have the beauty of the land and mountain's. Though her skin was a dark color like the brown variant of smoky quartz I have never seen any half elf with that skin color. She has yet to choose the path of mortal or immortal yet despite her having an impressive set of very long sideburns and mutton chops. Something Lord Elrond accidently blurted out once as "Being very sexy." despite his wife being in Valinor and very much alive, and despite this he found her very very hot.

 

 

 

 

I remembered that day very clearly I was in my late forties and I probably never laughed so hard in my life, the elf was dead serious but I couldn't help it it was funny shit. He found my grandmother attractive? For some reason that was the best thing I had heard all week.

 

 

 

On my father's side his mother (my grandmother) Queen Fjalar mentioned her grandmother was half human half dwarf Airheart which could account for my above average height my siblings as well as Kili's and Fili's. I don't think Princess Dis mentioned this or anything about Eiran to the boy's or their sisters yet or ever will. Eiran and Airhart were very progressive feminist's while Dis herself was on the fence about it which is why she probably doesn't talk about either. While I myself never really knew anything about Airhart I knew she was famous even if she was a feminist she was a inventor of the highest quality even for a dwarf with nigh unlimited patience, talent and eye for detail. She lived longer than anyone would expect a good two hundred and still looked like she was in her late fifties even then.

 

 

"So?"I said as I walked to the nearby great hall with a long ovalline shape a large smoke tube above it. It almost looked like a small stadium he heard about those from Tokora mentioning that she goes to a ball game every so often. Tokora despite being Queen in her own kingdom liked visiting her family made a habit of partying with Beorn on occasion and visiting the Shire for a Midsummer's Eve party of some sort.

 

 

It wasn't necessarily a Great Hall considering those lack privacy considering the doors were made of the fireproof Black Ironwood it was one of the thing's that King Thror commissioned after all the other one started to rot and attract carpenter ant's. Those big ass ants that are Jet black and annoying as hell. The hobbit's commissioned it their workmanship was beyond what King Thror expected of them the Hardwood Black Ironwood was extremely rare like the nigh extinct mahogany (its considered a federal crime to cut one down punishable by twelve years in prison) which only recently has been making a comeback. Ironwood by all means wasn't easy to come by and often times is found in odd places you wouldn't expect to see a tree grow by all means that's not what surprised King Thror it was the detail! Dwarves didn't really work with hardwood because they couldn't work with it for some reason dwarves of the wood carving guild can't work with hard wood, it might have something to do with the mentality of some dwarves and the tools themselves not being specifically used for hard wood. The woodcarving guild had said it would have been easier to commision a door made with iron than to make a door that big so the hobbit's had taken the challenge to heart and created the large set of black doors carved ornately from the hardwood, the guild and dwarven wood carvers didn't work often with hardwood simply because of the fact it was hardwood.

 

 

The doors were enchanted as well which is why they opened so easily and were fireproof because of the other enchantments they were solid wood and were very detailed carving the gates of Erebor overlooking Dale and Laketown, with the family crest of the line of Durin the geometric shapes were specifically dwarven you couldn't have guessed that hobbits had carved it if you hadn't known better. The King had paid them beforehand but after it was finished they only asked that he enjoy his bounty as it was "fun carving it" something that surprised him for various reasons he wanted to pay them what it was worth the total fee. It even had their master's mark's on it too. Hardwood was known for being detested by wood eating bugs and rot resistant too which was an added bonus.

 

 

 

"Thorin what did you think of them?" Dis said cheerily that skip in her step annoyed me to no end. She was grinning that sparkle in her eyes I dreaded so much and equal parts hated right now the fire place in the center of the room was unlit and likely wouldn't be lit until it started to get colder. The fireplace had been renovated like the rest of the room with my ascension it became something of a private meeting hall it was far nicer and better lit now. The purples and blues were mixed in the more colorful banners. My favorite color was purple after all and my family dogs Ereborian Hounds which looked like short dogs with tightly curled tails, erect forward facing ears a graceful neck alongside a powerful prey drive. They are the least easily trained dogs known to climb and instead of barking they have a yodel-like bark something to do with their strange shaped voice box I really don't understand why but I like them I always have.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My sister never really understood why then again she always liked the less massive breeds particularly the ankle biters that I personally hated because they barked at everything with that annoying bark. My dislike of her dogs and the fact they decided to piss on my boots and my favorite cloak I had to throw them out after they kept doing it I hate her little dogs with their stupid rat faces. Jeremy and Tori were twin Iron Hills lion-dogs short little things but with a double layered coat and looked ridiculous as they looked like overly poofy dogs trying to be lions it made them look even more like overgrown puffballs than actual dogs. I admit to more than once calling them both "hairballs" and "devil dogs" because they acted like angels with everyone else but me I hated them and the feeling was mutual apparently I don't understand why Dis kept the ankle biters as pets.

 

 

"What did I think? Dis?" I snapped irritated beyond comprehension.

 

 

 

 

"Thorin I'm asking for an honest opinion." She seemed surprised by me snapping at her.

 

 

 

 

"All of them were unreasonably dull and from what I could tell they were all looks and no brains." I snarled I was furious and I took it out on her.

 

 

 

 

 

"Dis for once in your goddamned life stop messing with my life I don't like dwarves in bed because they don't do anything you don't expect. Half of my ex-girlfriends were more interesting than those dwarrow you helped show off life a fucking jerk." I half roared managing to keep my voice down just below that just barely.

 

 

 

 

"Thorin! Be realistic here the kingdom needs more heirs." She tried to reason in her own way, _by that I mean interfering with my life and making it more hellish than it already is with the counsel._ I thought to myself feeling more angry at her for trying to get me to like dams who have the attention span of a squirrel and are as bright as a ordinary rock. 

 

 

 

 

"The kingdom has your sons." I reminded her restraining myself from shouting.

 

 

 

 

"And so? Thorin think about yourself for once." She reminded me,  _what does my sister know about me? What I want is my own business._

 

 

 

 

"DIS! How many times do I have to say it no matter how many times you introduce me to some dam she turns out to be as boring as a pathetic human female in bed without the occasional orgasm! I get more joy out of dumping them than I would any other time! Every time you introduce me to someone for the past forty years they have been about as intelligent as a rock don't insult the rock, the last few turned out to be either drug addicts or drug dealers! I have enough attempts on my life I _**do not**_ need anymore because you randomly decided to be a fucking moron and hang out with the wrong crowd!" I roared at her breaking the niceties of our familial love. I was disgusted by her attempts.

 

 

"Maybe I don't want my son being in the line of succession!" She raged.

 

 

"That isn't your choice to make anymore Dis! Fili is an adult and you might make Kili furious if you tried to pull him from the line of succession." I snapped at her, _now she's thinking about that a little too late if you ask me_. I thought.

 

 

"If you're so pissed off about it why don't you get laid?!!!" She roared still furious she looked like she was ready to run me through with her sword. She should have stayed with the axes.

 

 

 

 

"Hell no! And not with any dam that you fucking volunteer!" I snarled laughing in her face.

 

 

* * *

 

It didn't help me at all because I didn't want sex with someone or anyone that "advice" was just bad advice if you asked anyone else or anyone who was sane no matter how badly you wanted it. You want a relationship not a paid to order one with some whore from a whore house you don't know. I was just so angry all the time and nothing seemed to help it at all. He was easily irritated too by pretty much everyone including his little brother unapologetically. Though being down in the forges seemed to calm him down Taldis Snowfury found him down in the royal forges my best friend since ever even if she was sixty years my senior yet doesn't look it hell I got more grey in my hair than she does.

He couldn't explain why all of a sudden he wanted to leave everything behind just to get away from it all he was pretty much sick of Erebor and the stupidity that could've been handled by anyone else but it landed in his hands. It pissed him off that they were personally irritating him. Someone kept calling him in his dreams begging him to save them. Who was them? And why was Rolgar's twin Belbo standing on top of ....? He never could remember the dream come morning when he woke even if he was awoken by the dream in terror by itself.

"You were temperamental this last week you don't look like your sleeping good either Rin." Taldis mentioned ever since she chose to lead her house instead of be Queen like her little sister she hasn't really had more ambition than that while her little sister strove to lead her kingdom to glory.

 

 

 

 

 

"I haven't Snow. I can't ever seem to remember the nightmares except that I wake up terrified."

 

 

 

 

 

"Thorin you remember the hobbit's yeah?"

 

 

 

 

"They can project their thoughts and memories through certain plants sending instant messages that way, your family cultivates fire flowers yeah?"

 

 

 

 

 

"Yeah, my family reveres them as Yavanna's gift to Mahal its seen as a flower embodiment of the forge." I said not exactly sure where she was going with this.

 

 

 

 

 

"Certain hobbits of the fifteen can project these through a certain type of plant, your ancestor Rose Lotusbloom was one of the fifteen who emerged from a lotus blossum along with her counterpart. Her marriage to him wasn't a happy one he was prone to beat her up and was insane by the time Yavanna turned him into a yue bush for his crimes. Despite her having seven kids to him she didn't love him she only loved one Durin the Deathless. The marriage was blessed by a hidden name forever known to the hobbit's ever after as a Rose name. Only one of the first five to emerge in the Garden of Eden could communicate through a fire flower." Taldis explained.

 

 

 

"This information took me years to learn swear to me you will never curse their names or insult the fifteen lest ye lose yer life."

 

 

 

"Taldis I swear I won't I'm not a fool why would I insult their ancestors when at least one of them is my own?"

"The fifteen are their version of the seven each one emerged from a giant flower in the Garden of Eden in Karhugish their motherland. Each one was different but each one had a counterpart like the old stories. The Took's, the Bluebriars, the Khan's, the Brandybucks and the Bluebuck's all emerged from from different colored fire flowers each one of these family's has a powerful connection to these flowers though the Bluebuck's eventually became the Greenbriars and the Bluebriars eventually only had girls and married Bingo Baggins the first Baggins after several generations the name faded. The Khan's have the most power politically in their core government believe me when I say dwarven politics doesn't even hold a candle to the politics they have. It's incredible really and exceptionally backstabbing." Taldis mentioned.

 

"Perhaps someone is projecting their memories through the fire flower." Taldis continued. 

 

 

 

 

Balin asked him about it he mentioned he had strange dreams but nothing that he could really remember he just remembered being afraid of something or someone that was worse than any orc. Dis then ordered him to go to the Shire to see what the hobbits want. She showed me the invitation it piqued my interest I didn't resist it much to her surprise. I just wanted to leave something was calling or should I say someone. It was very earthen very loving... it called to him it sang to his very soul.

 

 

 

When Balin mentioned the invitation to a festival known as The Everdenn Festival that we were invited to attend I agreed to it willingly intrigued by the stories Taldis and Tokora told me. My brother Frerin and some toymaker Bofur came along for the ride too. The treeshagger Thranduil came along because he wanted to find happiness again his wife would have wanted him to be happy that and he maybe wanted to give Legolas some younger siblings to spoil as well? I didn't question it.

 

 

When the party began in the shire I switched partners a couple of times till I paired up with her. Her eyes were like emeralds her hair like liquid gold coming down to her shoulders in golden tresses that curled naturally. He wanted to run his fingers through it. She came to me surprised by my gentle touch having likely danced with some clutzes this day

 

 

                      I danced with her learning some wild dancing from club dancing, the Slow foxtrot, the tookland tango and another variation of the tango called the Buckland Tango. The two were different in visible ways but King Thorin did enjoy learning from her as she had crowned him in flowers as he did the same to her. Just as the two went off to enjoy the festivities provided. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah I kind of lost my microsoft word 2007 version key (by lost I mean someone was allowed to borrow it and never gave it back) my dad gave it to someone temporarily and they never gave it back. So I don't have microsoft to prewrite anything on my laptop at least until I manage to get microsoft office for free from my college...I'm working on that. I lost the internet for a bit and now I'm back just before summer classes start on the 31st of May.  
> The text formating got all wonky and it was morphing together like crazy.  
> I'm sorry I had to put political intrigue into this the fruit resembles the same type of fruit found in salty swamps and marshes of India and parts of Asia, to those who know it's nickname is the 'suicide tree' because its pip is capable of stopping the heart. I figure considering they wouldn't be around the tropics too much I added a variant of it in here. In this its difference is that it is curable but not by dwarf or elf which is ironic.  
> I made mention of the family history because he was daydreaming the entire time he was being shown all the possible dwarves that wanted to court him.  
> That also includes him having a dislike of Dis's dogs which are their version of pomeranians with the look of a chow chow including the chow chows stubborn temperament if you don't train them as puppies to like strangers or other animals they can be stubborn little shits. Bonus is that they may only bond with only a few people and no one else.  
>  Any way I did some research apparently Durin the Deathless may have lived a good 1 thousand years (a little bit over) that seems probable except that would make him the oldest living dwarf during the first age. For the sake of this the dwarves know exactly how he died but I figure he didn't reincarnate right away.  
> 


	2. Thorin's choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin makes a choice.

 

         

* * *

                                Thorin had never felt this way before he was so happy to have found his One that he didn't want to leave her behind hopefully he wouldn't have to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                          "Bella, will you come with me to Erebor?" Thorin asked her one day after spending a week after the party at Bag End she prepared breakfast for the two of them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                               "Yes, but only if you let me cook for you." She teased Thorin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                              "Okay then Mistress." Thorin conceded.        

 

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the hobbit.  
> This is why I love fantasy its more fun and less a hassle than writing Science Fiction (decidedly I hate writing Science Fiction).  
> The Tookland Tango is the Argentine Tango. The Buckland Tango is based on the tango I saw the dancers of Libertango do, I think it's called the Paizzolla nuevo Tango. I watched some poeple waltzing, boring as all hell let me tell you that's why it went out of style. Because young people like my generation don't like it well I found it annoyingly slow and not appealing (that is an opinion don't hold it against me) at least not at all like the others I mentioned.


End file.
